


You make me feel like I belong under the sun

by lover_44



Series: The Middle Cyclone [5]
Category: Real Person Fiction, Vampire Academy Series - Richelle Mead
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-18
Updated: 2013-01-17
Packaged: 2017-11-25 21:50:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/643332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lover_44/pseuds/lover_44
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The morning after was always so fucking heartbreaking, no matter with who he was with.  It was always filled with shame and most of the times, regret. But Ben felt different this time as he looked down at Taylor sleeping by his side, he felt….terrified.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title belongs to Citizen Cope's song "Sideways". Also a big thank you to Cris, my beta.

   His head was pounding.  The sunlight was creeping into his face and his eyelids, as well as his heart, felt heavy. The morning after was always so fucking heartbreaking, no matter with who he was with.  It was always filled with shame and most of the times, regret. But Ben felt different this time as he looked down at Taylor sleeping by his side, he felt….terrified. Terrified to the point that he was feeling his heartbeat in his ears and on his fingertips. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He was feeling everything at the same time and yet, no thing at all. It’s too much, Ben thinks as he gets up, trying not to disturb Taylor, dresses himself and leaves. 

He gets a coffee at a nearby coffee shop and walks around town, looking for something even when he doesn’t know what it is. What a stupid, stupid thing he was feeling. To be afraid is a stupid thing, but why couldn’t he get rid of this? And at the back of his head, he knew the answer was because he was afraid of fucking things up one more time, he was afraid to lose a friend, his first real friend in a long time. Someone who knew how hard it was. He sighed, heading back. 

When Taylor woke up, things came rushing to his head instantly. He looked around, adjusting his eyes to the light and unconsciously looking for Ben. He wasn’t there and Taylor felt stupid. As he got up, took a cold shower and dressed, he thought that maybe, the night before should never have happened. He wasn’t regretting, far from it, but he could not stop himself from thinking that it wasn’t the wisest thing to do, and in the back of his head, rather than feeling stupid, he knew for sure that he was stupid. He was ready to leave, get out of that room, do something, anything, and as he opened the door, he saw Ben standing there, looking like he was having a intense debate with himself.

“Ben” Said Taylor, surprised, hurt, and a lot of other kinds of feelings he didn’t want to name.  
Ben finally snapped his head up, realizing the door was open and Taylor was calling his name. What was he going to say? He really was good at making bad decisions. And he was also a fucking chicken shit. He sighed, going into the room and closing the door, not giving Taylor the chance to go.

“I know you probably don’t want to hear what I have to say right now, but I’m sorry, Taylor, I really am” He looked at Taylor, still standing at the door, as if he was ready to open it and just…go. Go and not even look back. Ben was not going to blame him if that ended up happening. But it didn’t. Taylor went further into the room, slowly and then Ben realized. Taylor was probably not doing it for him, he was doing for himself, to probably figure it out if the guilty was his. Idiot, you are a fucking idiot Ben, he thought to himself.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The whole time that he stood in front of the door, he thought that maybe he should just go, he should just let Taylor be and not weight him down, and he tried, but he couldn’t. He knew how it was to be on Taylor’s role, and it wasn’t pleasant. It was like a punch through the heart being the first thing you wake up to in the morning. He owned the other at least an explanation. 

“It wasn’t you, it was me” He shook his head, knowing what he sounded like “It sounds stupid, but it really was me. I….freaked out.” He sighed, passing a hand through his hair.   
Taylor was silent, watching him with light eyes that changed colors in the morning light. Ben took as an invitation to say what he had to say, even if he knew it was nothing more than unburying the past. “I was in love once. Deeply, madly, the kind of love Neil Young sings about and I never fully understood until I met him” He sat down on the sofa, an open invitation for Taylor to join him. But he remained standing up. Ben guessed he deserved the distrust. 

“He was an actor too. But younger. I see now that the problem was exactly that. He was much too young, he wanted the world and I….not. I had already seen it. Willi….” He stopped himself before he said the name. It wasn’t like he couldn’t, he just didn’t want to bring names that were already in the past. “Well, it ended badly. Just like this, actually. I got up one morning and he was gone. Never came back, only called and left me a message saying he was sorry” Ben smiled sadly, broken. But strangely enough, he felt like a weight was lifted off his back in that moment. He wasn’t resentful anymore, he had fond memories and bad memories like everyone else, and most of all, he was able to let it go. Finally. 

Taylor remained silent for a long time, watching the other. He didn’t know how to feel about all of that. He didn’t think he was ever this deeply in love, and even then, he could feel how hard it was for Ben to tell him all those things. He sighed; he knew they probably made a mistake sleeping together the night before. But not a mistake of the action all together, it was more of a mistake with the timing, it seemed. He went to the sofa, slowly, sitting by his side.

“I’m really sorry, Taylor. I told you I was almost an expert in making poor life decisions” Ben said, still smiling sadly.

“Well, I guess we are two experts then” Taylor said, not really looking at the other, but down at his hands “Maybe it was just a timing mistake. Who knows”

 

Taylor smiled a little in return, bumping his shoulder with the other. He wasn’t going to lie and say everything was great. It wasn’t, but when he remembered the night they met at a party that he thought it was going to be for his big movie break out, something in him told it was going to be okay, eventually.


End file.
